There’s this moment that happens with many couples when they announce they’re eloping: the raised eyebrows, the slight pause, and then the question that often follows — “Isn’t that a bit… selfish?”

I’m going to tell you something that might surprise you: yes, elopements are selfish. And that’s completely, wonderfully okay.

Reframing “Selfish” in Wedding Planning

When we really think about what a wedding is at its core, it’s a celebration of you and your partner choosing each other. It’s marking the beginning of your marriage — not anyone else’s. It’s inherently about the two of you.

Traditional weddings involve choosing all the details that reflect your taste — the ambiance, colors, activities, and vendors that align with your vision. You’re crafting an entire day that centers around your relationship and your commitment.

So with that perspective, all weddings are selfish by design. Elopements aren’t more or less selfish than grand celebrations — they’re equally self-focused, in a beautiful and perfect way. 💕

Why “Selfish” Isn’t a Bad Word

Here’s where society gets hung up on this word. Being selfish isn’t inherently wrong. Consider self-care — you’re literally prioritizing your own wellbeing, primarily for your benefit. Does that make it wrong? Of course not.

Self-care is universally encouraged (especially after the collective challenges of recent years), despite fitting the technical definition of “selfish” — actions done primarily for one’s own benefit. So why the double standard when it comes to your wedding day?

Saying Yes to Yourselves

When we make choices that others label as “selfish,” we’re often simply prioritizing our own needs over external expectations. It doesn’t mean we don’t care about others’ feelings — it simply means we’re valuing our authentic experience more highly in this particular situation.

Elopements are a powerful manifestation of this principle. You’re saying “no” to many traditional wedding elements so you can say “yes” to the experience that truly resonates with you. Society simply isn’t used to couples prioritizing their wedding experience over guest considerations — thus the lingering stigma.

Creating Sacred Memories Your Way

What many don’t realize is that elopements often create the most profound, present wedding experiences. Without the pressure of entertaining dozens or hundreds of guests, couples can fully immerse themselves in each moment of their commitment. You can take time to really see each other, to feel the weight and joy of your promises without distraction.

I’ve watched couples exchange vows in ancient redwood forests, in their backyard, and beside crashing ocean waves — completely absorbed in each other rather than worrying about reception timelines or whether Aunt Judy is enjoying the appetizers. These intimate moments create memories that feel sacred precisely because they prioritized their relationship above all else.

The Bottom Line

So, are elopements selfish? Yes — and so is every other wedding format! There’s nothing wrong with creating a wedding experience that authentically celebrates your unique relationship. As long as you’re happy with how you get married, that’s truly all that matters.

Your wedding day should reflect who you are as a couple. Whether that means eloping in a forest with just the two of you or dancing the night away with 200 of your closest friends, the most important thing is that it feels right for you.

Ready to plan your perfectly “selfish” elopement experience? I’d love to help make your vision a reality; send me a few details about your ideas so far!